My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials

James 1:2

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This is my testimony and I am sure that one of you will either relate, or know someone who has a similar story, maybe not the ending, but with God’s grace their story will turn into a testimony of forgiveness. They say as many as 1 in 4 girls and one in 6 boys will be sexually abused before the age of 18 by a babysitter, or family friend; 30 – 40% are abused by a family member. I am that 1 in 4 girls. Here is my story…

I hear the door handle and I know who it is coming into my room, into my space. Even when I close the door to sleep at night, it does not stop. I lie still on the bed, pretending that I am still sleeping, even though the chirping of the morning birds has woken me up. I try not to move, not to breathe, I lie still. His cold thick hands and fingers find their way under the sheets and into my panties.  

I lie dead still, not wanting to wake up because I wouldn’t know what to do. I have not been taught that this is wrong, but I know what my dad is doing is wrong. I feel embarrassed, ashamed, and angry at the same time, but this is something I can not share with anyone. 2 – 3 days a week, in the morning I get woken up by the door handle as he makes his way into my room, bringing with it coldness…

 

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